The Feel to End

I just feel like ending everything and moving away to a place of no return. A average person like me who is an introvert and no special capabilities is of no use to society nor to the dear ones.

The only thing that I remember right from day-1 of my life was to study, study and only study. Life has been a real hell to me. After obeying everything in life what I am left with is a bunch of text and and redundant half knowledge, without knowing the practical use of  it.

Sometimes I wonder why was I ever born. So much of hatred I have against myself. I am not blaming anyone. I am the only person responsible for it. I was too obedient right from the start of my life. I should have always trusted my instincts. But I gave more importance to the society and neglected my thoughts, my desire to succeed.

What is success in my life ? I don't have an answer for this. You become successful  only when you are either good at something or you have a passion for something and want to reach the apex of it. That becomes the driving force of your life and pushes you in the right direction. In my case, I am just scattered in all the directions. So can't channelize my energy and knowledge in the right direction.

I never had anyone in my life with whom I could share or trust. I was there for everyone during their tough times but no one was there when I needed them. Everyone's busy in their own world. They forgot me and my existence. People like these will come searching for you, when you become successful, till then no one will bother about you. Sometimes I wonder, I don't even belong to this world.

It's strange that I am writing a blog here, without knowing if anyone in this connected world would be reading me or not. Its just that that I wanted to write about this stuff. Someday, someone will come to know about this and will try to connect with me. Maybe that would be the day when I would have found a real friend.     

The Lost Identity

I have lost my identity. Yes it's true. People of my country don't treat me as a citizen of their country. They tell me, I belong to a different state. The state tells me I belong to a different region, the region tells me I belong to a different religion, the religion tells me I speak a different language, the language tells me I am of a different color.

In this process of differentiation, we all have forgotten that, before belonging to any particular region, religion, state or country, we belong to this earth. For this planet we are human beings but for the rest of the universe we are earthly beings. There is so much of differentiation and discrimination around us.

Earlier life was so simple, we belonged to the land, where we were born, no need of any higher authority to authenticate our identity. But today a bunch of documents decide to which country we belong. Our lives are so insecure. Technology has made our lives so translucent even our secret and passionate moments can be found on the Internet.

As all products in the market have a product id, we all have our own unique id, social security number. Today we all are identified as a combination of a series of digits. Digits that were once used for making the calculations, have had an edge over us, by giving us a unique identity in their language.

The day will not be far, when people will stop calling others by their names, but by their unique combination of digits. Thanks to the computers for monitoring our uniqueness, our own identity, which we have lost in the process of differentiation.

Dreams - The Inbuilt Entertainment

We all dream while sleeping and there are few like me, who dream in the day light.

No one knows the real secret behind dreams. Some are good and some are bad. Some of them are those that we really want to experience, while there are some that just spring's up from our subconscious mind.

Dreams that come out of nowhere, gives us a first hand experience of how things can be. They can be about places that we haven't been before or about people whom we have never met.

Then why do we get such dreams, that we are not interested in. Some dreams are so scary that they almost make us sweat.

People say "Dreams do come true". I do agree with them only up to a certain point. A dream is like a fuel that drives our motivation. It motivates our subconscious mind that this thing is possible.

Dreams take you a step closer to possible reality. Our body mechanism is such that once our subconscious mind is taught something, then it slowly makes us do that work without our knowledge. We feel as though, the decision of doing this work, is of our own.

Dreams are like visual clips of near to possible realities.

I don't know how many of you have felt this irritation, especially when you are ill and you have a severe headache. You see things that you like the most, in a repeated fast forward manner. It's like as though your smooth running dream has got stuck somewhere, in the middle and its not moving forward.

You start getting irritated , restless and discomfort stops you from sleeping. It gets worse when the entire night you can't sleep because of this reason. You start shifting your position and press your head hard, to relax but of no use. The moment you open your eyes its fine, as soon as you close it starts again.

A dream is our inbuilt entertainment system, gifted to us, by our 'Mother Nature'. It gives us high definition, real life experience of enjoying and feeling things that we can't even imagine in our real life.